Speed-Dating for Muslims - can it be the answer?!?!

[Eman]

Assalamualikum brothers and sister,

I recently came across an advertisement for a speed dating event for Muslims here in Brisbane <http://www.crescentsofbrisbane.org/Files/Speed%20Intros%20for%20Muslims.pdf>

To be honest, at first, I laughed out loud; the idea of having ‘Muslims’ and ‘speed dating’ in the same sentence just sounded too bizarre and ironic.   

However, putting my irony aside, I can understand the rationale behind such initiative.  I went on and did a bit of research myself.  It was interesting to learn speed dating was invented in the late 1990s by Rabbi Yaacov Deyo to help Jewish singles in Los Angles meet each other in a move to encourage Jews to mate with partners from their faith. 

In recent years, speed dating found a fertile environment in western countries and more recently amongst Muslims living in those countries e.g UK, USA, and Canada. 

For many of the Muslims living in the west, looking for a life partner can be a challenging exercise.  While many Muslims want to marry someone along their line of faith and racial background with a flair for ‘western’ values, this unfortunately, cannot always be attainable.  For many the options of bringing someone from overseas can be a bit scary.  Hence, they have been long advised to keep their minds wide open to what Allah has stored for them, and maybe try new unconventional methods to meet their live partners.

I have to admit that I’m not aware of any matrimonial services for Muslims in Brisbane, but can speed dating be the answer young Muslims are looking for?

You views?   

[faith_honour]

Walaikum as salaam Eman,

In today's times, its definitely quiet a challenge, finding the right partner. With such a large Muslim community throughout the world, there are many options to choose from, and the more the options, the more difficult it becomes, to decide on one.

I haven't heard much good about 'speed-dating' and its success rating is quiet low. Unless one is ultra beautiful and a big flirt, its unlikely for them to pass on to the next level. For many, i'm sure its an uncomfortable experience. Which is quiet unfair and such a shame. Personally, i wouldn't recommend it to anyone. But i am no scholar to pass a judgement on its permissibility.
And with the increasing numberof divorces, its quiet obvious that something is not clicking between Mr Right and Mrs Left.
So it would be best, if we put this issue infront of a scholar and get his advice on how to go about this difficult ordeal of finding a spouse, in a manner, thats islamically right, so as to attain Allah's mercy from the very beginning of it, till the very very end. 

wasalaam.

[Eman]

As-Salamualaikum faith_honour,
And thank you for your contribution 
You have brought up some interesting points, and I certainly do agree with a lot of what you said.  However, there are a few things to clarity.

In your response, you mentioned “its success rate is quite low” were you referring to speed-dating in general? Or specifically to ‘Muslims speed-dating’? I think it is really important to make a distinction here.  Muslim speed-dating is founded on very different grounds and objectives than those of non-Muslims.  To be ‘ultra beautiful’ or ‘a big flirt’ sound more like features of a non-Muslim style of speed-dating, where the goal for most participants is to have a ‘good time’ and very rarely about finding a life-partner if at all. 

The stigma or shame of speed-dating as you referred to, I believe mainly comes from that fact that the idea is associated with non-Muslims understanding of speed-dating. 

I haven’t been to any of these gatherings myself to pass any judgement, yet I think the hostility shown by many Muslims of this new mating process, suggests that we’re in dire need for alternative processes that are:
1) Compatible with our Islamic teachings;
2) Viable and practical; and
3) Achieve the goal of helping our young Muslims find marriage partners.


Wassalam

[faith_honour]

As salamu alaikum Eman,
I was waiting and hoping that some other sisters share their views on the matter.

The views that i shared earlier, were not based on my personal experience, but rather, on the experience of someone i know.
I had only heard about 'Muslims speed-dating', until u enlightened me about the Jews starting this activity and practising it. So what all i mentioned earlier, were views and opinions extracted from a Muslima who attended a Muslim speed dating event, along with her parents (not in australia). So, to her, the stigma and shame of the event were a thought after an actual experience, which holds a lot of weight, i think.

Anyone else with their views?

Your sister-in-Islam

Faith_honour

[Ibrahim]

A'Salaamu Aleikom

Interesting subject.

I have looked at the advertisement on speed dating and, believe it or not, I have registered my interest in attending the event. I have been without a partner since my wife abandoned our child and I, on my taking Shehada.

What I found interesting is that they use the words "Age Apropriate" and the maximum age is around 45, which kind of lets me down a bit as I am a bit older, (or should I say a lot older)
I have been looking, if that's what one would call it, for some time and I find that marriage within Islam seems to have become "Westernised" in its values. Values that place riches, culture and etc above all else. There also apears to be a fear of commitment among single Muslims, another western innovation.
Of course I may be wrong, but as a seeker, I have come across these circumstances all to often.
 
As for finding someone from overseas? Having already been "Stung" once, I am loathe to venture into that kind of thing again. Too many "Visa Seekers" out there.

I wonder what happened to the saying, "Marriage for the love of Allah, Subhanna wa Ta'ala". Has it really been change to "Marriage for the love of Money."

Maybe I'm just too cynical.

W'aleikom Salaam

[Abu Bakr]

hmmm, speed dating and me 

Speed dating - religious 'appearance', looks and first impression starts it all
Traditional Islamic way - character, religion, recommendation from family/friends starts the process

I'll bet my money on the success of the traditional islamic way any day   

But then again, i'd wait to check with some islamic scholars what Allah says about it - i'd feel more secure then     I mean Allah did give His guidance instead of leaving us wondering, especially about marriage